I’m not mad at you; you’re just a shitty friend



PM2: We all have them…shitty friends. The older I get, the more I realize it’s hard to find good friends. We all have friends that come and go and that’s okay. They are there to serve a purpose. See, PM1 and I met through a mutual friend, who incidentally is no longer friends with either of us, but she’s the reason we met, so in the end it’s fine that our mutual friendship disbanded. The purpose was served. But these are not the people we’re talking about. We’re talking about those fuckwits that make you wonder why the fuck you tolerate them and all their bullshit.

PM1: Yep these are the peeps who firmly believe that friendship is a one-way street, pointing only in their direction. They’re happy to be there for you when you can offer them something, but would never think to just be friends with you because of you. And worst of all, they are the friends who are happy to fuck you over, often at a moments notice.

So why do we have these friends? Well that’s a good fucking question and I think ultimately it comes down to one very important point.

We like to believe that people just wouldn’t treat us this way. That being grown ass women/men (but let’s get real, it’s usually women), we’d actually act our fucking age for a change and not like we’re back in high school, only with a heavy dose of crack thrown in for extra fucking-you-over-ness.

PM2: Now PM1 might sound a bit bitter, but one thing I’ve learned about her in our lengthy friendship, is that she hates to be fucked over and she doesn’t forgive easily. She’s a one shot deal. I’m the forgiver. She’s the fuck you. (I’m kinda scared of her. She’s a hardcore bitch. I might have had too much to drink tonight. Excuse me if this is gibberish.)

But in the end, she’s right. Why do friends suck so bad? Honestly, why do girl friends suck the worst of all? It is like high school. And when you finally grow up and move beyond that, you still find friends who perpetually live in that world. Like the “shit-talker”.

You know the shit-talker… This is the friend that talks behind everyone’s back and when she leaves, you wonder what the fuck she’s said about you. Even when you call her out on her bullshit, she’s the one who somehow turns the whole situation around on you. Why are we friends with these people again? Remind me, PM1 why we put up with this shit?

PM1: Who the fuck knows PM2, who the fuck knows. All I do know is the shit-talker is right up there with the fucker-overer…the friend who thinks nothing of promising you something and then proceeds to go back on their word and do sweet fuck all. Worse still, said “friend” then goes on to act as though nothing has happened, expecting you to sweep it all under the carpet and forget about it.

Fuck that.

I left high school many, many years ago. I hated it when I was there, a perpetual Mean Girls-Goundhog Day mash up, and I have no desire to go back to it either. Yet somehow now, in my thirties, I find myself right back in it, frequently, and I have to ask myself, WTF?

Are we really that insecure or childish that we just can’t be genuine with each other? True friends, who are worth their weight in gold, just don’t treat you like that. True friendship is a two-way street and you know what, true friendship should not be hard work.

PM2: I hear you, PM1. The fucker overer friend is far worse than the shit talker because I don’t think they even realize they suck. Their way of dealing with their friendship shittery is to just ignore it. My favorite is when they call or text acting like they didn’t just screw your ass to the wall. How do you respond to that? Who the fuck knows…

But I also hear you on the true friendship thing. Real friends are few and far between and even when you think you’ve found them, bam… they find a way to fuck you. Makes you wonder why you even bother.

Okay…this has taken a turn down Bitch Street. (Seriously PM1 and I are not super bitches…okay maybe PM1 is a bitch, but not a super bitch.) We all have these friends and yep, they suck hard, but we also need to give a quick shout out to the good ones. PM1 is one of my besties. I adore her. PM1 is my friend when I’m a hot ass mess, when I want to complain and when I need someone to laugh with. She’s genuine and even though we do behave like we’re in high school, it’s the good kind of high school. The one where you get drunk and eat mass quantities of Twizzlers and laugh till you cry.

So cheers to good friends and here’s to drinking because of the shitty ones!