The Fictional BF Games, round 1 – Peeta v Gale

Peeta-Gale-Liam-Hemsworth-Josh-Hutcherson

One thing PM1 and I agree on is swearing, but there is something we disagree on and it’s pretty fucking big.

Peeta Fucking Mellark

Told you it was big. Now we are two grown ass women in our thirties. We have no business obsessing over a teenage fictional character. But, because we’re (I say we’re, but I really mean I’m. PM1 got lumped in with me so I’m not lonely), losers and clearly have no life, we do this kind of shit.

I need to clarify…I’m Team Peeta all the fucking way, but I’m not Team Katniss. She’s a hardcore bitch who leads Peeta around by his dick. Poor Peeta, that must hurt. Would you like me to kiss it for you?

So here’s my letter to Peeta:

Dear Peeta,

When are you going to stop fucking around and drop Katniss for me? She doesn’t love you, but I do. I totally put out and would have made being trapped in that cave worth your while, if you know what I mean. 😉 I’d be the hummus to your Peeta, you can butter my muffin, you can put a bun in my oven anyday. And, furthermore, there’s not a chance in hell I’d leave you for Gale.

Love, your future wife and a good lay,

PM2

PS…I’m willing to overlook the fact that you’re ridiculously short if you keep making baked goods. We’ll make it work.

 

Alright my (PM1) response to this Peeta Mellarky is this; Peeta is a whiny little bitch and Katniss made the biggest mistake of her life not choosing Gale. I’m not anti-Katniss like PM2 is. I mean the girl gets major props for her bow and arrow actions, and I love that she can hold her own in a fight. However, I am definitely Team Gale, and I’m about to explain why.

  1. He can fight. Put simply, if he’d have gone into the arena with Katniss, they would have kicked ass and won, days earlier. Yes, yes, Peeta can do interesting things with cake frosting and can hide himself as a moss covered rock (boring), but can he put an arrow through your dinner or the enemy? No, he can’t. Gale can.
  2. He knows what he wants and he goes for it. Just like whiny bitch Peeta, Gale is also in love with Katniss. Difference is, he lets her know about it. He doesn’t sit around being all pathetic, admiring her from afar, only to declare his love in a “fake announcement” to ensure their survival in the arena. No. He takes the bull by the horns, or Katniss by her two cheeks as it were, and he plants a big wet smooch on her lips. Affection noted Gale, affection noted.
  3. Despite aforementioned love, he’s still willing to call Katniss out on her shit, and this is never more so than when it concerns that whiny bitch Peeta. You see Katniss does love Gale, she knows she does, she even admits it to all of us. Problem is, she gets stuck with Peeta and as a result, she has to regularly save his ass (see point 1). This leads to her feeling both sorry for and obliged to Peeta. Yes, yes, she may also develop feelings for him, I can accept that, the boy can bake after all, but she still loves Gale. She knows it, Peeta knows it and Gale damn sure knows it. And when she continues to play the boys off against each other, Peeta sits back and takes it like the whiny bitch he is while Gale calls her out on it. It’s called tough love Katniss, and Gale has it for you, in spades.
  4. He’s man enough to know when he’s lost her. Unlike whiny bitch Peeta, who constantly mopes around giving Katniss the silent treatment or telling Gale that she loves him, Gale, at least, can admit defeat. He knows when Katniss has chosen, even before she has and he’s man enough to take it
  5. “I had to do that. At least once.” Enough said.

Ding. Ding. End of Round 1.