I’m going to hell…


Yep, there is no possible way this isn’t happening. I’m pretty sure I’m the conductor of the fucking train that takes all us shitheads straight to the flaming gates. All aboard!

Hell…can it really be that bad? Ok, I love the heat, so I’m not dreading this entirely. I imagine hell to be like Disney World in July. A sweltering shit show of sun and heat and humidity coupled with extreme cases of B.O. I kinda love this, minus the B.O. Maybe I do belong in hell? Maybe it’s my mothership? Maybe Satan and I would be BFFs! If that’s the case, I’d totes ask him to do me a solid and give me back the boobs I had when I was nineteen. Eternal damnation and whatever, it’s the least he can fucking do, right?

I derailed… So yeah, I’m legit going to hell. I swear like a fucking sailor, I enjoy a beverage or two fairly often and I tend to say everything I’m thinking and trust me, this is a bad thing. You should see the looks people give me when I question their stupidity out loud. I also laugh at people’s misfortunes. Not even Hubs B is immune to this. Once when we were in NYC he fell off the curb and broke his hand. Instead of rushing to his side, I laughed until I almost pissed myself while some random old lady helped him up. Going. To. Hell.

But today sorta sealed the deal and gave me a permanent place on the throne next to Satan. (I might be excited about being his queen if it means I get some sort of scepter.) While watching a Tosh.0 marathon, I found myself laughing to the point of tears at his racist, sexually demeaning, vulgar and downright inappropriate jokes.

I don’t know what came over me, but I grew a conscience during a disturbing video breakdown of a gigantic woman twerking in a Rubbermaid tub full of water. (FYI…she looked like a hippo having seizure. Guess I’m not feeling too bad because that was probably unnecessary.)

So…I should be a better person. I should be a role model. I should be more respectful. I shouldn’t laugh at this shit and rewind it and watch it over and over again and mock their moronic actions. (Butt water…fuck, these peeps are super WT, yet so entertaining.) Here’s the video just in case you need a visual.

It’s all so wrong, but something tells me I’ll always be naughty and laugh at this shit. In the end, the moral is, the show’s still on. I can’t be the only one, right?

Basically, I’m going to hell. So who’s joining me? (I’m pretty sure PM1 will be my roommate.)