You’re not my diplomat!


“You’re not my diplomat!”

This is a phrase that Hubs B coined a long time ago after a few too many beverages. Not being able to remember the word dictator due to his drunkenness, he tossed in whatever “d” word his cloudy brain could remember. Hilarity ensued, but what began this ridiculous statement, was the fact that Hubs B doesn’t like to be told what to do. He doesn’t like large corporations or advertisements that tell him to like something and he especially doesn’t like when something isn’t exactly right. (The world should be tailored to fit his needs.) He isn’t and has never been a “follow the crowd” kind of person. All of this leads him to host his own personal boycotts against things that piss him off, people that try to be his “diplomat” and whatever other random things that happens to fuck up his day. (I find all of this endearing, hilarious and completely entertaining.)

So last night while watching TV, an ad for H&M came on. Now usually we would have fast forwarded through this ad, but for some reason Hubs B let it play. Had he not, this blog post would cease to exist. Let me set the stage… Hot girl on the beach in a bikini. Hot girl turns out to be Giselle. Now most guys would enjoy the view and tune out whatever else was going on. Not Hubs B. Giselle starts singing while standing on the beach in a very tiny bikini and Hubs B is not impressed. He actually turned to me and said, “Why is she singing?” The annoyed look remained on his face for a few seconds before he responded with, “I’m not shopping at H&M again.”

Still in a huff, the show we were currently watching ended and he hits play on an episode of Chicago P.D. that we had recorded. The episode seems to pick up right in the middle and I can hear Hubs B mumble a few “what the fucks” (it’s a fave of his, too) under his breath. I turned to him and informed him that he needed to watch the previous episode of Chicago Fire, because this is a cross over episode. In all his Hubs B like ways he said, “Fucking NBC isn’t my diplomat,” and continued watching the episode. In the end, he watched the whole episode, whether he was confused or not, I’ll never know, because fuck knows he’d never say that out loud. But when the episode ended his response was, “Take that NBC.”

As much as I love to give him shit, it’s this kind of stuff that makes me laugh like crazy. Here’s a list of a bunch of other stuff he chose to boycott for ludicrous reasons. All of which are totally warranted in his eyes.

  • Cell Phones (This was circa 2001 when they became all the rage. He was keepin’ it real by not having one.)
  • Walgreens (They have a monopoly over the pharmacy world and they’re on every fucking corner.)
  • Wendy’s (Once they gave him a five piece chicken nugget instead of a six piece)
  • Facebook (Just a flat out refusal)
  • Jewel/Osco (They at one point had a card you had to use in order to get the sale price)
  • The entire city of Boston
  • The entire state of Texas
  • United Airlines
  • Expedia
  • The iPhone (He was all about his BlackBerry until he was forced by his company to get an iPhone)

The list is pretty endless and new items are added daily, so I never know what will show up. I’m sure I make this list regularly; he just doesn’t say it out loud.


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