So my blog post today is somewhat concerning and somewhat perplexing. Allow me to explain.
I work in a health related industry and lately, various items around the work place have been going missing. This has been happening on a fairly regular basis and so far, with little to no explanation. Items have included tea, coffee, sugar, milk and various condiments…all of which I understand because essentially some people are tight asses and won’t buy this stuff themselves.
But it’s the other stuff that’s more worrying… You know, like the urine containers, the alcohol wipes, the biohazard bags, various pieces of medical equipment.
Because (a) who the fuck steals some of this shit and (b) when you stop and think about it all, the only logical explanation I can come up with, is that I’m working with a serial killer.
I mean seriously…who the fuck steals urine containers and biohazard bags? Serial killers, that’s who. I’m absolutely sure this stuff is being stolen to supply their on-the-side killing. Allow me to break it down for you:
Urine Containers: well clearly they have a weird fetish for piss and are choosing to keep a sample from each of their victims. Hey, no judgment…yeah right.
Alcohol wipes: obvious. They need to wipe down all surrounding surfaces post-kill to clear away the evidence. What better way to do it that with a bunch of employer-provided alcohol wipes. Although FYI serial killer, not sure this will destroy all the DNA you leave behind. You’ve been warned…although don’t take that as a threat 🙂
Biohazard bag: again, obvious. These are needed for wrapping body parts in for disposal in various random, yet unknown locations.
Medical equipment: clearly this is for torturing the victims pre-killing and frankly, I don’t want to think too much about this part.
Tea, coffee, milk & condiments: evidently killing is hard work and hey, who doesn’t like a nice cuppa after dismembering a body.
So far, despite supply cupboards being locked and security cameras being checked, I (and others) have no leads on the suspect. Safe to say I am keeping my eye on the kitchen knives and ensuring I am never alone in the building (fat chance of that happening, this is work after all). But if for some reason you don’t hear from me for a while, well, now you’ll know why.
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