House Hunters… you’re assholes

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After watching an episode of House Hunters last night with Hubs B, I came to the conclusion that I really don’t like people. While this is something Hubs B has known about himself for a while, I had just discovered it about myself…well, probably not, but I think I finally admitted it. (Once I asked Hubs B how long he could survive on a deserted island and his response was, “Forever. I hate people.”)

So this young, bougie couple had a budget of basically two nickels rubbed together and list of must-haves that was two miles long.

This is where I blame HGTV. Somewhere along the lines peeps with a minuscule budget believe they are owed a fabulous home with all the upgrades. HGTV has led everyone to believe that your home sucks ass if it doesn’t have some kind of natural stone counter tops, walk in closets, a master bathroom, stainless steel appliances, wood floors and an island kitchen.

Now all of these are lovely additions to a home, yes, but when you have a budget for shag carpet and Formica counters, don’t be let down.

As the episode progressed, the couples became disenchanted with their home choices, whining, “It doesn’t have a master bath or a walk in closet.” Um, listen up you fucktards, first off, the house was built in 1953, second, it’s 1200 square feet and lastly, your budget allows you jack shit.

On the second house, which in my opinion was perfectly acceptable as a starter house, the complaint was, “No island kitchen, no master bath, no walk in closet or stainless steel appliances.” Holy fucking shit! Same argument as before and who the fuck shops for a house wearing five-inch heels and the makeup of a stage performer?? The high maintenance chick and her douche boyfriend, who btw, is a personal trainer. (And can we talk about that another time and how much he thinks he’s amazing?)

By the third house, I had written these asshats off and figured they’d never find the house of their dreams. (And yeah, I know this show is fake, so obviously they do find a house because it’s picked prior to even filming.) I couldn’t stand them and I truly hoped they would live with their parents forever. Stop being so fucking demanding!

In the end, they found their “perfect” home minus all the wonderful upgrades that were so important. Enjoy that wood paneling and linoleum flooring!

Just a note to keep in mind, you assholes…work hard, and when you’re not twenty-three, you’ll actually be entitled to all that high-end shit HGTV has made you believe you desperately need. And, should I ever meet you on the street, look out, because I kinda wanna punch you.

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