OMFG!!! It’s the premier of SOA!!!

September 15, 2014 by ·

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Last week was the super fucking sized premier of Sons of Anarchy, a personal favorite of ours, so we couldn’t be more grateful that it’s back and we have something new to obsess over. Here are our thoughts…of course they’re going to be a rambling nonsense of sorts.

PM2: Thank fuck Kurt Sutter decided to open with Juice’s naked ass because I’m not entirely sure I loved this episode. Jax…such a naughty, naughty boy, yet I watch religiously. (And hate him and love him and hate him and hate him and love him. Fuck me.) Right now I’m kinda pissed off, but don’t get me wrong, I’d never bail on this show. Your thoughts PM1?

PM1: Well, although I hated Jax for most of last season, I did love him again in that finale when he finally realized what a fuckhead he’d been. So, I actually liked him in this episode because he’s being all introspective and revengeful and he looked hot as fucking fuck when he got that revenge too. My hate is reserved squarely for that c**t he calls mom…fuck me, never have I hated a TV character as much as I hate her. I mean the bullshit she spins to justifies her actions, the delusion she has and the fact that she CONSTANTLY has to stick her fucking nose into everyone’s business…fuck me.

Random side note: how porky is Marilyn Manson looking these days?

PM2: Oh the finale last season almost killed me. Poor Jax. How could your heart not break for him as he cradled his poor dead wife in his arms? Devastating. And worse, the fact that it came at the hands of evil lying whore of a mother. While I’m totes in agreement that Jax looked panty fucking dropping hot in that revenge scene. (OMFG…that close up of his low slung jeans and boxers…that fucking stomach. Fuck me.) I’m fucking flat out disturbed by Gemma’s lying ass. She’ll throw anyone under the bus to save herself. Asking that poor guy if he had a family. You’re still an evil disgusting c**tish bitch. Tara had a family and you killed her!!!

But yeah…side note addition: Lmao. That’s the first thing I noticed. He’s looking a bit on the chunky side. And when I say a bit I mean, he’s totes a tubs now.

PM1: Yep, she’ll do anything alright. The only thing I’m hoping is that Wendy has learned from her past fuck-ups and will this time sell Gemma out to Jax, instead of waiting for Gemma to sell her out. I mean she is harboring Gemma’s secret in her house…somehow though, I think Wendy has other plans. Either way, the whole thing is one shit-fight mess that I hope Jax survives. And Chibs, and Tig and Bobby and Happy, because honestly, they are the only ones I care about now…at least they’re loyal. And WTF Nero, going back to your crazy-arse lying bitch girlfriend…when you know she killed her first husband and had a hand in killing her second husband…are you fucking batshit crazy?

Side note again: what the fuck happened to his eyebrows too?

PM2: Oh, poor Wendy. I’m just hoping that she isn’t as stupid as she’s been in the past. At this point she’s Jax and those babies only saving grace. OMFG…don’t talk about Jax dying. “I hope Jax survives.” Shut your fucking mouth!! I almost cried just then. But, yeah, so all I can hope for is that Jax figures it all out and gets revenge for his dad and his wife and honestly at the rate Gemma’s going, Nero is going to be added to that list too.

Side note…again: Um…your thought process is far too similar to mine. I looked at Hubs B and asked the same fucking question. If he’s trying to accentuate his forehead, kudos to him, it worked and he looks extra fucking weird now without eyebrows.

PM1: Ok, what the fuck PM2… “she’s Jax and those babies only saving grace”…?? No fucking way. I don’t want Wendy raising those kids and I totes think she’s full of shit when she says “I only want to help”. No bitch, you only want your kid back and back in Jax’s pants…not gonna happen. I pretty much think everyone’s gonna die actually…except maybe Unser, because apparently terminal stage 4 cancer means you never actually die.

Side note continued: really fucking weird…can’t wait to see what Courtney Love looks like when she shows up.

PM2: Listen up, Negative Nelly! While I think Wendy sucks, I’m hoping she’s changed her ways and somehow is the voice of reason through all of this. Someone has to be; the rest of the group is a fucking shit show. And in Wendy’s defense, who wouldn’t wanna get in Jax’s pants??? And the way this show has gone from the beginning, you’re totes right about everyone getting fucking killed. I guess we’ll just have to wait and see how it all plays out. I’m sure this won’t be our last post.

Side note part thirty-five: Courtney Love will definitely be interesting. I’m kinda intrigued by a grimy Lea Michele. Wonder if she’s gonna find herself on her back in Jax’s bed???

Later, PM1…this fucker has gotten long! Here’s to Tuesday and another ridiculous post about fictional characters. 🙂

Filed Under: Beautiful boy, Fuck. Me., Let's debate ·

The Fictional BF Games, round 2 – Thor v Loki

May 11, 2014 by ·

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So here it is and it’s been a long time coming. Who will win the battle between Thor and Loki? Better yet, who will win Loki???

PM1:

Right PM2, it’s time we discussed the adorable brotherly bromance that is Thor and Loki. It’s a tough call on which of these boys is hotter. Personally I’d prefer a Thor- Loki sandwich, with me smack in the middle. I mean, they aren’t “real” brothers, Loki did get rescued from the Ice Giants, so it’s totes ok for all of us to be naked together. While I know Thor has the body to die for, I mean seriously…those abs…geez, I’d happily move to Asgard for that alone. But throw in his adorably cheeky and downright naughty, brother Loki, well I’m halfway down the Bifrost, boys.

PM2:

Glad we agree on this PM1, although I do see a future argument seeing as I’m not big on sharing. But back to these adorable boys, but more importantly, back to Loki. Thor might have a body to die for and yes, those abs are something out of a dream world, but Loki…OMFG Loki. There’s something about this boy and his ability to walk that fine line between love and hate, good and evil that makes him far more desirable. Who doesn’t love a bad boy with a tortured past? Well, clearly I do and with far more intensity than a normal person should have for a fictional character. I’d be more than happy to keep him company in that prison cell. Yep, that’s me running down the Bifrost bridge tearing my clothes off. Pale has never looked so hot.

PM1:

Couldn’t agree more PM2. What is it about a tortured bad boy that makes us go weak at the knees and wanting to save them? I’m a sucker for it and when you have the cheeky little smile, the naughty evil streak, the playfulness and that god damn fucking hot accent…well I’m sold. And Loki, if you don’t want saving, then I’ll happily go bad for you instead 🙂

PM2:

Oh PM1, I’m so glad you brought up accents because in my opinion, this is the clincher on why Loki wins this battle hands down. Thor’s accent…ugh, so terrible. Now usually I’m all about an Australian accent (that shit’s a total panty dropper), but in this movie, the Australian/American mix doesn’t fly with me. It just sounds, well, if I’m being honest here, like Thor is a dumb fucking meathead. Sorry… A small derailment from what is truly important here… LOKI! Can we talk about his accent??? PANTY DROPPER! The British accent will desecrate any accent and when it’s on a naughty, naughty boy, well fuck me. Somehow that accent makes his evilness so fucking hot.

PM1:

Look I agree, Thor’s hybrid accent is strange…but…there’s something about that voice of his that makes the Aussie/American/Brit combination thing work. Actually, what the fuck am I saying, he could read me the phone book in any accent and I wouldn’t care. Especially if he does it shirtless. Loki on the other hand…oh my fucking god…You’re right PM2, a naughty British boy with a cheeky little smile and an evilness that makes my clothes fall off…oh geez, Loki, I’m all yours…anytime, anywhere…

PM2:

See, here’s where we differ. I hate that stupid hybrid accent and would much prefer if Thor didn’t speak at all, but still do everything shirtless… seriously, I’d rather he do everything naked and silent. But Loki…I want to hear him whisper in my ear, talk dirty to me, hell, he can even ask me to wash the dishes in that fucking accent. I’m down for it all, especially if it ends with him naked and in my bed. So tell me PM1, as we debate these adorable boys, if forced to choose… Let’s say, we’re sitting in a tattoo shop and you have to tattoo Thor or Loki somewhere on your body, who would win out? (Now something about this is probably ridiculous, but completely possible when it comes to the two of us. Too many beverages, combined with our stupidity, and the fact that we are rarely together could make this situation totes plausible.) Who’s it gonna be, PM1???

PM1:

Pfft…like you have to ask? It’s Loki, of course! And seeing as I’m going first, I’m totes claiming him as mine…back off PM2, I don’t do sharing. 🙂

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Filed Under: Fuck. Me., Let's debate ·

The Fictional BF Games, round 1 – Peeta v Gale

April 14, 2014 by ·

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One thing PM1 and I agree on is swearing, but there is something we disagree on and it’s pretty fucking big.

Peeta Fucking Mellark

Told you it was big. Now we are two grown ass women in our thirties. We have no business obsessing over a teenage fictional character. But, because we’re (I say we’re, but I really mean I’m. PM1 got lumped in with me so I’m not lonely), losers and clearly have no life, we do this kind of shit.

I need to clarify…I’m Team Peeta all the fucking way, but I’m not Team Katniss. She’s a hardcore bitch who leads Peeta around by his dick. Poor Peeta, that must hurt. Would you like me to kiss it for you?

So here’s my letter to Peeta:

Dear Peeta,

When are you going to stop fucking around and drop Katniss for me? She doesn’t love you, but I do. I totally put out and would have made being trapped in that cave worth your while, if you know what I mean. 😉 I’d be the hummus to your Peeta, you can butter my muffin, you can put a bun in my oven anyday. And, furthermore, there’s not a chance in hell I’d leave you for Gale.

Love, your future wife and a good lay,

PM2

PS…I’m willing to overlook the fact that you’re ridiculously short if you keep making baked goods. We’ll make it work.

 

Alright my (PM1) response to this Peeta Mellarky is this; Peeta is a whiny little bitch and Katniss made the biggest mistake of her life not choosing Gale. I’m not anti-Katniss like PM2 is. I mean the girl gets major props for her bow and arrow actions, and I love that she can hold her own in a fight. However, I am definitely Team Gale, and I’m about to explain why.

  1. He can fight. Put simply, if he’d have gone into the arena with Katniss, they would have kicked ass and won, days earlier. Yes, yes, Peeta can do interesting things with cake frosting and can hide himself as a moss covered rock (boring), but can he put an arrow through your dinner or the enemy? No, he can’t. Gale can.
  2. He knows what he wants and he goes for it. Just like whiny bitch Peeta, Gale is also in love with Katniss. Difference is, he lets her know about it. He doesn’t sit around being all pathetic, admiring her from afar, only to declare his love in a “fake announcement” to ensure their survival in the arena. No. He takes the bull by the horns, or Katniss by her two cheeks as it were, and he plants a big wet smooch on her lips. Affection noted Gale, affection noted.
  3. Despite aforementioned love, he’s still willing to call Katniss out on her shit, and this is never more so than when it concerns that whiny bitch Peeta. You see Katniss does love Gale, she knows she does, she even admits it to all of us. Problem is, she gets stuck with Peeta and as a result, she has to regularly save his ass (see point 1). This leads to her feeling both sorry for and obliged to Peeta. Yes, yes, she may also develop feelings for him, I can accept that, the boy can bake after all, but she still loves Gale. She knows it, Peeta knows it and Gale damn sure knows it. And when she continues to play the boys off against each other, Peeta sits back and takes it like the whiny bitch he is while Gale calls her out on it. It’s called tough love Katniss, and Gale has it for you, in spades.
  4. He’s man enough to know when he’s lost her. Unlike whiny bitch Peeta, who constantly mopes around giving Katniss the silent treatment or telling Gale that she loves him, Gale, at least, can admit defeat. He knows when Katniss has chosen, even before she has and he’s man enough to take it
  5. “I had to do that. At least once.” Enough said.

Ding. Ding. End of Round 1.

Filed Under: Let's debate ·